deep breath. ok, I can do this.
this is what I told myself when a set of giganto waves rushed there way towards me. (giganto meaning 4 ft high... I know HUGE!...right?) this is also what I told my self four minutes ago as I sat down to right this post. Basically I tell myself this every single day: running, biking, homework, going to work, school, sleep etc. it's all the same. a deep long sighing breath and then a motivational phrase such a s "yo go gurrl!" or "you got this!"
but lately, everything hasn't been ok. I've been feeling lost, worthless, and off track.
all this time I've been running from a panic attack. There's been one around the corner everywhere I go in everything I do. Nothing drastic has happened in my life, except that NOTHING has happened. I've been on this plateau in life where nothing seems to be going ANYWHERE. I left my blog in the dust, I'm STILL living paycheck to paycheck, I've been "slacking" on school (still getting A's, no worries), work is monogamous, and worst yet (in my pov) I haven't PR'd in running for 1 month. Actually, I seem to be getting worse. This past week I literally ran myself into injury (both my heels are stiff and piercing with pain with every step) and I'm 6 days away from my first race ever. so I got to this point in my life where all I see is the bad, and everything sucks.
this is what I was thinking as I sat in the water today holding on for dear life as HUGE waves where coming my way. and that's when I had a panic attack. I closed my eyes (dummy) and I cried. I finally stopped running from my panic attacks and just sat there and let it happen, and boy did it feel amazing! Seriously, I know it's not common to hear "woo hoo, I love'd that panic attack!" but this one was belated. It was less about the
I took another deep breath, and this time I knew I could do it.
After that I surfed my one and only wave of the day and went in. I felt different. New. almost whole again. and that's when I realized that I was going to get back on track. I was going to get back to my lovely blog. I was going to let my body heal and take a few rest days before my race (still strengthen, just not worry about getting in my miles.) I was ready to be me again. and Damn does it feel great!
I lifted at my house (I used 4 textbooks as my weights, and now my legs are DEAD...wtf?)
surfing...more like running from waves...
thank you for listening, and your patients =]